One day, Three breaking stories, Zero surprises

So, today was an interesting news cycle. I got three breaking news alerts.


First, Sarah Palin is joining Fox Faux News. WOW. Also, rain is wet. Seriously, who REALLY thought her resignation was anything other than self-serving. It was classic 'I can't take the heat, so I'm getting out of the kitchen.' Couched in 'doing what is best for my state' bullshit. Going out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure that ethics violations don't just go away when a politician decides to bail. Moreover, I'm pretty sure that any governor would have protections for having to use personal funds to defend themselves from actions taken as a public official, right? Anyhoo, since her insight, intelligence, and wisdom is *ahem* lacking as a prerequisite for this job, I'll assume that her telegenic nature will make the talking heads at Faux News unbelievably happy. On a scale of 1 - 10, the surprise threat level was .2. (pale pale pale white)

Second, Mark McGwire (finally) admits to steroid use. Yawn. His words: "I wish I never played during the steroid era." WHAT? You know what I wish, Mark? I wish you would just put on big boy panties and say you did it. It was wrong. I won't try to justify it. Etc. Etc. Etc. More of his words: "It's time for me to talk about the past and confirm what people have suspected." Gee, thanks Mark. That wasn't REALLY worth the news alert. Scale of 1 - 10, surprise threat level = 1.4 (baby pink)

Lastly, Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol after this season. Seriously, this is breaking news? Really? I mean, sure Simon has created a hate-able prick of a character on American Idol. But he has made millions ... millions of dollars. And he is only leaving because he has signed a deal to bring another show to the US. So, we aren't even rid of him yet. Whack-a-mole is less frustrating.  Scale of 1 - 10, surprise threat level = 1.2 (pale grey)

Here is a breaking story I want to see:

ABC BREAKING NEWS ALERT: Republican party admits they are opportunistic hypocrites who feign indignance to anything Obama says. Ever. For always. More to follow.