Feminist Moms UNITE!

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cross-posted at TheRantingMommy.com

The lovely blogger Transatlantic Blonde has started a new meme called the Friday Feminist Mom Roundup. I found out about this opportunity quite by accident, but in the way I find out A LOT of news … through Twitter.  The idea instantly appealed to me because 1) I feel pretty strongly about feminism, 2) I am a mom, and 3) feminism has traditionally gotten a pretty bad rap over the years.


Today, I am going to focus on one specific thing that relates to parenting and is a personal pet peeve of mine: gender stereotyping. More specifically gender-role stereotyping (which takes me into the area of psychology-isms, so I will leave it at gender stereotyping). I have some time restrictions today (story of my life), so I will keep it brief.

So here is my rant: it drives me nuts that we box in our children to certain stereotypical behavior, dress, toys, etc. at such an early age. Here are a few of examples that make me twitch:


  • Little girls have long (or at least longish) hair and boys have short hair. My 4 year-old daughter already says this. Grrrrrrr. People constantly call my son, whose hair is longish and curly, a girl. It does not bother me in the slightest, but the presumption is silly.
  • Girls are supposed to like the color pink, Barbies (another rant for another day), and playing dressing up. Boys are supposed to like playing in dirt, tearing up or crashing things, and bugs. Why? Says who? My daughter likes the color yellow, planting plants, and finding bugs. My son loves to wear my hats, glasses, and sometimes my shoes, does not like his hands to be dirty, and likes playing with his sister's dolls. Why should ANY of that behavior by either of them be even given a second-thought?
  • I recently took my daughter with me to the nail salon to get her nails painted, as decidedly 'girly' thing. When we returned, my son whined a little because he wanted his nails painted too. My husband chimed in that 'boys don't paint their nails'. I bristled. Sure that is typically true, but why not just offer to do something else special just for him? Or paint his nails with clear polish?
  • This summer, I enrolled my daughter in several different summer camps each with their own themes. There was a princess camp and a super heroes camp. Guess which one they offered her? Boo. She actually OWNS a cape and mask that she uses for dress up. Granted she also owns several princess and ballet dresses too because she LIKES dressing up, but still.
These are but a few. Now, don't get me wrong. I truly believe in celebrating all there beauty there is in being female. Those are lessons I hope to teach my daughter throughout my lifetime. In addition, I think boys should know that being male is special in its own right. And, no, I would not send my son to kindergarten dressed in a princess outfit or with his nails painted purple. But it bothers me immensely that both of my kids WILL go to kindergarten with all these stereotypes imprinted on their brains already. Bugs me. Anyone else?

On dinner parties, cool cocktails, & drunk tweeting

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Last night, my husband and I went to a fantastic dinner party with an eclectic, fun group of folks. Multi-ethnic, multi-religious, multi-talented collection with a varied set of experiences and life circumstances. Married couples with and without children. A gay couple, unmarried, no kids. A just-friends couple (though we may suspect something there). Our hosts, co-habitating parents of one small child. One engaged couple. Hometowns and/or places where they grew up: Jamaica, Maui, St. Simon's Island, Dominican Republic, U.S. Virgin Islands, Atlanta, Dominican Republic, and California. Occupations: entrepreneur, orthodontist, psychologist, political consultant, restauranteur, hair dresser, artist, gemstone broker, real estate investor, teacher, and an importer. It was beautiful to see.

What we had in common: we were all foodies and all lovers of long, lingering meals with creative cocktails abound. Dinner started with a lovely potato-based curry fish soup. For dinner, there was grilled rack of lamb, dressed steelhead trout, tomato salad, couscous salad, roasted brussell sprouts, and tostones. *burp*

Cocktails, you ask? We had pomegranate bombs (host-created cocktail), sipping rum from Cuba, cucumber lemonade, cucumber martinis (I swear, they were great), and Italian port.  But wait .. what about dessert? TWO courses: freshly sliced watermelon with balsamic dip, followed by poached pears and figs served with vanilla Haagen-Daz.

Needless to say, by the end of the festivities, this girl was quite tipsy. I tweeted that I was considering drunk tweeting. I got no less than a dozen replies, most encouraging me to go for it. Alas, I did not. But it was ONE MORE reason I love Twitter and my tweeps.

Good times.

Lessons from Sherrod Debacle?

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I started this little ol' blog in large part because I sometimes found myself full of emotion or reaction about a particular story or event, so much so that I wanted to write about it. This is where I find myself today.

As I put fingers to the computer, I'm wondering where to start with this story. Does it start with Andrew Breitbart's wholly unethical hatchet job of Shirley Sherrod? Well, that is the crux of the story. But the story is merely, I believe, a response to the recent NAACP resolution regarding the Tea Party. In fact, Breitbart admitted as much in his post. He is trying desperately to avenge any notion that the Tea Party has racist elements to it. How desperately? This desperately.

He begins his post with a soaring speech on how the Tea Party is not racist and how the Left, the Democrats, the White House, the Easter Bunny, Fidel Castro, and the troll under the bridge are simply out to vilify the cause and moral fiber of the Tea Party. He then posts a video (which to my knowledge he has yet to reveal where he got the video or who he got it from or who edited it) with ominous graphics announcing how this is a federally-appointed employee practicing racism ..  
....bom bom bom bommmmmm.

In the video, Shirley Sherrod, a black woman, is seen and heard telling the story of working with a white farmer at some point in her career. It is completely unclear from this two-minute video what the context of this story is, i.e. when did this incident take place, in what role was she helping him, why is she even telling the story, etc. She speaks briefly of the condescending way in which she perceives this white farmer speaking to her (*gasp* white people in the deep South talking condescendingly to black people??!! Unheard of!) despite the fact that she was in a position to help him. She talks of her admitted hesitancy to help this man with her full resources (an honest admission, in my book). She goes on to speak of how she took him to see a white lawyer, 'one of his kind, ya know' she states, to see if this white farmer can be helped. She makes a reference to so many black farmers losing their farms at the time, yet she is still having to work with this white farmer. Again, no context is provided because of the editing down of the full video. She finally concludes (in this tiny, edited portion) that she came to realize that the issue was not about race as much as it was about poverty. Not exactly earth-shattering revelations for anyone under the age of 92 living in the United States. The U.S. has a long, torrid, racist history. Shocking, I know.

But Breitbart would have you believe you are reading the devil's lecture. His breathless narrative reads:

"In the first video, Sherrod describes how she racially discriminates against a white farmer. She describes how she is torn over how much she will choose to help him. And, she admits that she doesn’t do everything she can for him, because he is white. Eventually, her basic humanity informs that this white man is poor and needs help. But she decides that he should get help from “one of his own kind”. She refers him to a white lawyer.
Sherrod’s racist tale is received by the NAACP audience with nodding approval and murmurs of recognition and agreement."
So wait, 'nodding approval and murmurs of recognition and agreement' is evidence of racism? Breitbart clearly failed Science 101 and could not pass Remedial Logic. This is not evidence and his conclusions are inane. Perhaps the people in attendance were nodding because they understood the dilemma and conflict that a black woman helping a white man in the Deep South might have been feeling. Perhaps they were were recognizing that, like Shirley, sometimes our prejudices keep us from initially assessing a situation in the most righteous way. Hell, perhaps they were falling asleep and the nods were actually their heads tipping over. We do not really know. But Breitbart trumpets this snippet as if this is irrefutable evidence of racism. He fails miserably.

First, Breitbart is clearly ignorant on what racism ACTUALLY is. Here, Andrew, is a definition. A six year-old could look this up, but since you are too lazy, I'll provide you a link. Let's see, does Shirley express a doctrine that black people are superior to whites? Nope, actually quite the opposite. Does she exhibit a policy or system of government that espouses racism? Uh, no. Does she display hate or intolerance for whites? No, she does not. She actually admits to, points out even, her own prejudices (another word Andrew needs to look up. Here you go, lazy boy).

So, the 'context' that the despicable Breitbart so blatantly tries to peddle, is, in fact, important. Here is the true context. He is playing a game. A desperate game trying to avenge his wounded exposed delicate Tea Party position. It is a familiar game .. from our childhood. When young children are on the playground and calling each other vile names, they sometimes try to be annoying by saying "I know you are but what am I" every time one child calls him or her a bad name of some sort. It has nothing to do with defending oneself. It has nothing to do with whether the 'bad word' is true or not. It is merely deflection. That is the context here. On it's surface, it is a silly game that Breitbart is playing. Looking deeper, it is a dangerous game.

One does not prove your beliefs are not racist but calling the accuser racist. There are plenty of examples of racism to be found without trying that tactic. Breitbart has made of name for himself (albeit not a name I would wish for myself) with his ACORN shenanigans and his silly use of dog-whistles. But the puppetmastery of this stunt is so blatantly politically motivated, it is horrifying. It is so clearly done for self-interest and for self-preservation - damn the cost. Everything about it reeks of opportunism. Nothing of it smells of genuineness.

Of course, just as with his ACORN witch hunt, he eventually had to admit that the video was edited.  Once the full speech was released, it was abundantly clear that this was a hard-hearted, mean-spirited, falsely-trumped up hatchet job. He responded to accusations of racist elements of his pet political project by trying, and in some measure, succeeding in obfuscating the whole issue of racism. We are all profoundly sensitive to accusations of racism. Most of America cannot have a discussion about race in a non-defensive, non-accusatory, and/or intelligent manner. This entire episode has given us not a 'teachable moment' as some love to profess, but another example of how we do not know how to discuss race. We do not know how to be uncomfortable in the realities of our prejudices, our histories, our past, our present, our innermost anxieties about one another. That is why this game he is playing is so dangerous. It advances NOTHING; it plays into fears; it sends us all to our respective corners to defend our respective ideologies. Breitbart and his tactics are held up by the Right and excoriated by the Left.

In other words, homeostasis maintained. Damn shame.