I am angry .. or maybe it is depressed.. nope I'm pissed

On the weekend, I try to disconnect a bit. Spend time with the family, laze around and read books, and so forth. I turn on the news or I check my Google reader. But I try not to invest too much energy, for better or worse, into the shitty news of the day.

Yesterday, I saw a brief snippet on CNN about a new poll showing that a majority of Americans are now against the health care reform bills that are now in the House and Senate. I jerked my head around fast enough to guarantee whiplash, then yelled, "Whaaaaaatttttt?"

Then, I got pissed. I rattled off a rant to my husband, whose eyes glassed over when I started talking about polls, policy, politics (apparently, the three "P"s don't have quite the same appeal to him!). I still decided to push the news aside and enjoy the weekend. Until now. Now I just need to sort my way through this frustration.

Obama campaigned on health care reform. It was a big part of his platform. Multiple polls indicated that the American people believed that we should reform our broken system. We are one of the only large democratically-ruled countries that doesn't provide health care for it's citizens. Other countries shake their heads at us, puzzled that in a country with this much money and power, we can't even get on board with whether we should take care of the health of our citizens.

This is basic stuff, right? I mean, sure we can disagree on what should dominate domestic policy. But the need to fix the broken, potentially disastrous future that our current system could bring .. is that really questionable? The answer is yes and no. That is, yes if you are the party of NO. No if you understand the alternative.

Here's a quick progression (or lack thereof) of health care reform. Congressman go out during summer recess and conduct town halls - standard practice designed to get the in touch with their constituency. Only this summer, some asshat tea party schmucks put out a memo asking people (not necessarily constituents) to attend DEMOCRATIC members' town halls, specifically, and to disrupt them with shouting, interruptions, generally annoying commotions. The purpose of this? To 'rattle' the Democratic congressman. That's right, not to promote discussion, not even to be heard; just to disrupt.

These wild, chaotic town halls were tailor made for the bored mainstream media. All manner of shouting, insult-hurling, faux outrage made for good TV. The problem? Two things. One, it was manufactured and at best disingenuous. Two, it gave the appearance that this opposition was widespread and righteous. So, now the American public, who are notoriously politically-apathetic and lazy, are now like "Wait, what is so scary about this bill? Should I be scared? I'm scared. What was that sound? Did you hear the boogey man, cuz I just did. *cue scary music* We are all doomed!!!" (or something like that)

Of course, when the Congress returned, it was noted that these *cough* disruptions were not common place or widespread or reflective of the feelings of the constituents (in many cases). No matter. The opposition's strategy worked.


Then Teddy Kennedy dies. This wasn't unexpected, but still it was ironic that the cause of his political life teetered on it's own death. Then there was the on-again, off-again, it's dead, it's alive, public option, no public option, Senator Snowe as President, Max Baucus and the Gang of Six rule the world, etc. etc. etc. drama that played out every day. It was exhausting to watch. Difficult to follow even if you are an invested, educated, informed politically-minded American, which coincidentally leaves out 89.8% of the general public.

Then there were the endless polls. Majority favor health care reform; majority oppose health care reform; majority feel Congress is not doing enough to help health care problems; majority feel Obama not doing what is needed with health care reform; majority approve of health care reform; majority majority majority blah blah blah gah gah gah (I think this is how Lady GaGa wrote her new song).

Then a Republican (or a pseudo-Republican, depending on whom you ask) wins Teddy's seat??? What? How is this possible? What the hell is going on? Here comes the spin. I will not EVEN go into that topic now. Then our President decides to slow down health care reform. He vowed to listen to the people and try bipartisanship. Again, I will not even go into that here. Another post for another day.

Now the polls from the Massachusetts voters indicate they are against health care reform (ironic, considering that they already HAVE health care). Of course, it is a 46/48% split (favor/oppose), not exactly the mandate/landslide/OMG moment the Right tried to portray it as. In fact, those numbers generally match the nationwide polls, too.

Not bad enough yet? Then a poll came out suggesting 55% of Americans think Democrats should shelf the negotiations on the current bill. Not bad enough yet? Said 55% of people want Dems to go back and consider alternatives that would get more Republican support. Ummm.. pardon me? We have a majority of the Congress. My four year-old can figure out basic math. Republican support is not going to change shit. Besides, Republicans are the party of NO. Their mission has been to shoot down EVERYTHING that the Obama administration proposes, even if occasionally they try to make it seem otherwise. Interestingly, the same poll says nearly 60% of Americans are either pleased with the progress our President has made (39%) or wish he would have done MORE on his agenda (20%).

So what happened? I'll tell you what, it is what has me pissed off. The Republicans have stolen the message AGAIN. They block reform at every possible avenue, then cry about a lack of bi-partisanship. They successful got the meme of 'reform is too costly', despite CBO projections saying that the Senate bill will LOWER the deficit. They successfully got the meme entrenched that reform is 'being shoved down our throats', again despite the filibustering, stalling, bullshitting, and every other tactic imaginable that the Republicans have used to stall votes, debate, etc.

Google 'health care reform'. Now look at the right column under 'sponsored links'. What do you see? Half of them are Right-wing websites looking to kill reform at any cost. Who is winning the message now? Exactly. 

And now? They can sit back and watch their machinery at work. They have convinced the American public that somehow bi-partisanship will work; that the Republicans are the poor victims sitting at the unpopular table in the lunchroom. Just waiting for someone to talk nice to them. I waive the BULLSHIT FLAG on that meme.

I am pissed.

Eight Years Ago Today

Eight years ago today, I woke up to a beautiful, tropical day in the U.S. Virgin Islands. I was visiting the family that would eventually become my in-laws. I had just spent a grand weekend meeting my then-boyfriend's family for the first time. We were scheduled to return stateside that Monday. We decided to spend a few hours at the beach before heading to the airport.

We frolicked on the beach for an hour or so, talking about the weekend and already sad that we had to return to the real world, for my boyfriend - work, for me - school. It was the first trip I had taken with the man that would become my husband. We left the beach and headed to the airport. I had my cell phone, but it was turned off. I was trying to eek out my last bit of peace on vacation. My boyfriend usually ALWAYS had his phone on, but his battery was dying, so he had turned his off as well.

We jumped on the airplane, holding hands and napping all the way home. At the time, I lived in Miami and he lived in Atlanta. When we arrived in Miami, we hugged and said 'goodbye'. He went toward his gate; I walked out to my car parked in the parking garage at MIA. I lived less than 15 minutes from the airport. After I got to my car, I turned on my phone. My voicemail indicated I had 10 new messages. "Hmm", I thought, "that's weird." 

The 1st message was from my Mom. It sounded a little odd, slightly tense, but not worrisome. "Hey babygirl. Please give me a call when you get this message", she said.

The 2nd message was from my brother. "Hey, it's me. Call me please."

The 3rd message was from my Mom again. This time she said, "Where are you? I need to talk to you as soon as possible. Please call me." I got a lump in my throat.

The 4th message was from the Chairman of our department at school. "Julie, please call me at my office. We have been trying to get in touch with you." What? Why would the school be trying to call me? Yeah, sure, I sort of fudged about why I was missing class on Monday, but still.

The 5th message was from one of classmates and best friends. "Jules, where are you? What is going on? The school won't tell us anything. Call me please."

I don't remember the rest of the messages. I frantically called my mom.

"Mom, hey it's me. What's going on? Why is everyone trying to reach me?", I asked her.

"Sweetheart, it's bad news. Where are you?", she said. "I'm driving home from the airport. Why, what is going on?", I responded.

"Try to stay calm. I need to tell you something", her voice started to break. "It's not good, honey." A wave of panic hit. "Oh my god, something has happened. Who is it?", I said.

She said, "Sweetheart, it's really bad. I don't know how to tell you." I remember hearing her talk to someone in the background. "Oh God, is it the girls?", I asked, thinking that something horrific had happened to one of my little nieces.

"No honey. They are ok. Julie ... it's your Dad." My heart dropped. "My Dad?" I thought. I held my breath and asked my mom, "What? What happened?"

"He's gone honey. He died this morning. We have been trying to call you. We looked everywhere for you, bu ...", she said some other things. I don't remember the words. I remember screaming.

"Oh my God, NOOOOOOO! Not Daddy. No. No. No. No. No." I sobbed. Mom kept saying "I'm so sorry.". She begged me to pull over, worrying that I was going to have a wreck. I pulled over on some random street in Coral Gables. I tumbled out of my car, dropping my cell phone. I could vaguely hear my Mom calling my name. My head was spinning. I was howling. I vomited on the street next to my car. Then I sat down on the street and wailed.

After I'm not sure how many minutes, I picked up my phone. My frantic Mom was yelling at her sister telling her to call the police in Coral Gables. She thought I had had a wreck, I think. "I'm here Mom.", I told her. She kept saying "I'm so sorry. I'm sooooo sorry. Are you ok?"

I asked her a bunch of questions. "What happened? Where was he? Where is my brother? When did this happen?" and many more I can't even remember. The details were kind of vague. He was found near his car at the park where he walked every morning. It appeared to be a heart attack. A passerby found him. No one knew how long he had been there.

Wait, my dad dropped dead all alone? Did he suffer? How long was he laying there? Who found him? Did they help him? Did anyone try to revive him? Did someone do something to him? (he was a former cop). My head was swirling. I called my boyfriend back. By this time, he had already found out. He had tried to call me about 10 times while I was talking to my mom. I don't remember it at all. He was crying and telling me it would be ok. Asking me, "What can I do baby?". I just remember saying over and over, "My Daddy is gone. He's gone."

Somehow, I drove the 5 or 6 blocks home. I stumbled out of my car, leaving the door open and all my luggage in the car. My dogs jumped all over me, kissing me and welcoming me home when I walked through the door. I collapsed on the floor and cried. Hard. Screamed. I heard the phone ring several times. I couldn't even answer it. I called my brother. He was strong for about 5 seconds. Then he started to sob, "He is gone, Julie. I can't believe it, he is gone". I've only seen him cry one other time in my life. We talked about what to do next. We felt so helpless. We tried to talk about some funeral planning, but we just couldn't. I told him I would fly home as soon as I could catch a flight.

I talked to many more people that day. I don't really remember a lot of the conversations. I felt like I was in a glass box; people were talking, but I couldn't really hear them. I was totally lost in my thoughts. Totally crushed. Totally shocked. I spent that night crying in my bed while my two best friends watched helplessly.

Four days later, they buried him. I wore a dark green suit. I refused to wear black. I wore my hair the way he always liked it. I spoke at the service; oddly, I don't remember much of what I said. This is the first time I've ever written about those days, even though I've reflected on them many times.

I have since gotten engaged, moved back home, gotten married, received my PhD, had two children, and many many other milestones. Each have been bittersweet without him. We had a contentious relationship for most of my adult life, until the last few years of his life. I've always struggled with that since his death. I am so glad we were able to fix our relationship, but a mourn for the time lost in between. I mourn for him. I have many funny and good memories of him, including his wake. I still visit his gravesite, though I prefer just talking to him whenever I feel like it or whenever I feel his presence.

I love him.

I miss him.

A primer on racism (for people too ignorant to know)

Racism, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.  To say, for example, that blacks make better athletes is a racist statement. If you cannot get past this basic assumption, then you should probably close this window and go back to watching Fox News or the Home Shopping Network or some other intellectually-challenged TV show.

Let's go a step further and discuss institutional racism. One definition calls this: those forces, social arrangements, institutions, structures, policies, precedents and systems of social relations that operate to deprive certain racially identified categories equality. Segregation is an example of institutional racism. Again, if you cannot agree on this basic fact, perhaps enlightened reading is not for you.

Segregation is based on racism. White people in this country did not want to drink from the same fountains, sleep in the same beds, ride on the same bus seats, etc. etc. as black people because they believed them to be less-than, to be subhuman, to be inferior. This is an historical fact, don't argue with me.

Fast forward to 2002. Trent Lott, then Senate Majority leader made this ridiculously ignorant comment:

"I want to say this about my state: When Strom Thurmond ran for president, we voted for him. We're proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either."

In case you don't know about Strom Thurmond, here's a quick background on the 1948 presidential election Lott is referring to in his quote. Thurmond ran for the Dixiecrat Party, a right-wing breakaway party whose platform was based on the defense of segregationist policies. The party's platform included this: "We stand for the segregation of the races and the racial integrity of each race." Thurmond said, during his campaign, "All the laws of Washington and all the bayonets of the Army cannot force the Negro into our homes, our schools, our churches." (and don't go filling up the comments section with a bunch of apologist statements about how Thurmond moved away from his segregationist beliefs later in life. That is completely irrelevant here.)

THIS position is what Lott was supporting. THIS politician in THIS election is what Lott was supporting in his statement. He is clearly supporting a racist candidate and espousing racist beliefs, at a minimum for the period during which Thurmond ran and Lott voted for him. More likely, he like many others continued to espouse these racist beliefs for a long time. Either way, it was an incredibly offensive comment that was supporting racist practices and beliefs.

Fast forward to 2008. Harry Reid, while discussing the electability of then presidential candidate Barack Obama, made a short statement to a reporter. Harry Reid's paraphrased words as reported in the book Game Change:

He was wowed by Obama’s oratorical gifts and believed that the country was ready to embrace a black presidential candidate, especially one such as Obama — a “light-skinned” African American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one,” as he later put it privately.

Now, let me me state two things very clearly: 1) the use of the term 'Negro' is cringe-worthy and offensive to many, and 2) had Reid said the EXACT same thing, but used the word 'Black' instead, most of us would have simply nodded in agreement and noted that America still has many racial issues and hang-ups to overcome.

But, now stay with me here (those of you who haven't floated off to watch Wheel of Fortune), Reid's statement was, at its essence, an indictment of the racism that exists in America. His statement is not racist. Let me say that again. Speaking about racism is not the same as being a racist. I can talk about baseball all day long; this does not make me a baseball player. See the difference?

Now go back and read the first sentence of this post. Go on .. I'll wait here.

There is nothing in Harry Reid's statement that is racist. He is not supporting racism, endorsing a candidate who supports racism, or saying anything racist.

Let's take a peek at Lott's statement. He states, with enthusiasm, that he supported racist policies and racist beliefs HIMSELF and voted as such. Not my words. His. (again, I don't care if you believe he and Thurmond later renounced these beliefs. It is not the issue.)

Needless to say, the fact that the Republicans and the right-wing pundits are trying to make a false equivalency between Reid and Lott in order to justify getting Reid to step down is ridiculous. In fact, the irony of their position is that it just further proves that we can't have honest dialogue about race in this country STILL. We can't even get people to acknowledge what racism is and what it isn't or whether racism exists or not. Sad, but true.

(and coincidentally, exactly what Reid was reflecting on in his now infamous statement)

One day, Three breaking stories, Zero surprises

So, today was an interesting news cycle. I got three breaking news alerts.


First, Sarah Palin is joining Fox Faux News. WOW. Also, rain is wet. Seriously, who REALLY thought her resignation was anything other than self-serving. It was classic 'I can't take the heat, so I'm getting out of the kitchen.' Couched in 'doing what is best for my state' bullshit. Going out on a limb here, but I'm pretty sure that ethics violations don't just go away when a politician decides to bail. Moreover, I'm pretty sure that any governor would have protections for having to use personal funds to defend themselves from actions taken as a public official, right? Anyhoo, since her insight, intelligence, and wisdom is *ahem* lacking as a prerequisite for this job, I'll assume that her telegenic nature will make the talking heads at Faux News unbelievably happy. On a scale of 1 - 10, the surprise threat level was .2. (pale pale pale white)

Second, Mark McGwire (finally) admits to steroid use. Yawn. His words: "I wish I never played during the steroid era." WHAT? You know what I wish, Mark? I wish you would just put on big boy panties and say you did it. It was wrong. I won't try to justify it. Etc. Etc. Etc. More of his words: "It's time for me to talk about the past and confirm what people have suspected." Gee, thanks Mark. That wasn't REALLY worth the news alert. Scale of 1 - 10, surprise threat level = 1.4 (baby pink)

Lastly, Simon Cowell is leaving American Idol after this season. Seriously, this is breaking news? Really? I mean, sure Simon has created a hate-able prick of a character on American Idol. But he has made millions ... millions of dollars. And he is only leaving because he has signed a deal to bring another show to the US. So, we aren't even rid of him yet. Whack-a-mole is less frustrating.  Scale of 1 - 10, surprise threat level = 1.2 (pale grey)

Here is a breaking story I want to see:

ABC BREAKING NEWS ALERT: Republican party admits they are opportunistic hypocrites who feign indignance to anything Obama says. Ever. For always. More to follow.

Get a grip America

I just recently returned from vacation. That is not said to show off (I swear). I say that because the Christmas crotch-rocket would-be bomber incident and all it's concomitant fallout happened while I was vacationing. I caught blurbs in the little Times Digest the resort gave us at breakfast, but honestly I was trying to disconnect. The first reports I saw made the incident seem potentially scary, but mostly just crazy. I quietly hoped that things weren't going nuts at home. I fantasized a day where right-wing wackos and pundits would quit constantly looking for a way to tear down our President and instead try to unite as Americans.

Alas, that fantasy was about as far off the one about me and David Beckham and a wild weekend in Vegas (*sigh*).

I digress. The point is it WAS nuts when I got home. Wingers were trying to slay the President again.

"He should have come home from Hawaii sooner." (because Underpants Bombers need to see a display of strength and confidence from the President. Hooey.)

"The President didn't take this seriously." (umm... whatever)

"Obama doesn't know we are at war." (an especially slimy position from the former VP considering his war-mongering and full of FAIL leadership in Afghanistan)

"We should treat him as an enemy combatant." (errr... Caribou Barbie, we don't even USE that term anymore. Try to keep up.)

Here's the thing. Sure, terrorism scares us. That is what is designed to do. People of all political stripes can admit that there is only so much that we can do in the way of national security to stop ALL terrorist plots. Does that excuse slack intelligence issues? No. Should the federal government be doing all that they can to protect us? Of course.

But really. How the HELL can anyone say that the President doesn't care about terrorists? That he is distracted by other pressing issues? I mean, it is sheer stupidity. I could be wrong here, but I don't remember Al Gore making the regular rounds to the pundit shows and blogging for WaPo spouting off about bad decisions that Bush/Cheney were making after he was out of office. In fact, I believe he spent his time working on something constructive .. like saving the planet. How very socialist.

Point is can't we get a grip? Bad enough that we are grounding flights over a container of honey. But Cheney, Palin, et al. are not helping the situation by their fear-mongering. In fact, they are only helping themselves politically. Shameful, at best.

Is it bothersome that al Qaeda continues to grow and morph and exponentially despise the West? Yep. Is it going to be difficult for intelligence agencies to find this new 'loner' whackjob terrorists? Yep. But drunk drivers scare me more than flying right now.

Seriously. Get a grip America.